Anything to Forget
by ScatteredStories
Summary: Three-Shot on how I think Santana found out about Bram and how she ended up with Quinn in New York. Brittana! Sancedes and Quinntana friendship, Hints of Faberry on the side. ENJOY! Rated M for language.
1. Anything to Forget

**/ Just a quick one shot! /**

**/ Special request from a very special anon /**

**/ Enjoy! /**

I feel myself sliding slowly back into that dark place in the back of my mind, I don't even know where it started.

It could be when I first stopped attending cheerleading practice or moments when my mind would think of nothing but her blonde hair and bright blue eyes;

it could have been the day I left Lima after "the break up". I really don't know how it started but I had been up to my neck in it before I had even realized.

"I feel..." I said to the big empty room, I could imagine a happier version of me sitting across the bed, looking at me sadly.

"**Empty**..." I said out loud and even my voice was monotonous; no life and no emotion.

"**Empty**..." I repeated, I lay on my couch in the middle of my single dorm, my right leg and arm draping over the couch and touching the ground, my left arm  
high above my head and my left leg perched on the arm of the couch.

I had been lying here for god knows how long, trying, for the nth time, to find the will to get up and go to practice or even classes. I looked across the room at the bathroom door, wishing myself to get up and head over.

Nothing.

To my left was my computer and if I could make it there I can go online, do a little surfing or play a game; things I LIKE to do. I could even go on Skype and, just maybe, she'd be online and I could talk to her. But tell her what?

That this "**unofficial break up**" was one of the stupidest things I've ever done?

That I can't think of anything but her?

That I've been a mess ever since she walked out of that choir room?

My heart sank even further at the realization that none of it would have helped. I **ruined** it. I've hurt her so many times before but never quite like that, never this much.

I wanted to blame someone. Blame that damn "left-behind club" with that blonde 1000-year-old, evil bitch cheerleader _Katty_ or whatever her name was, blame Glee club for keeping us busy, blame Sue for not telling me about Brittany's grades, blame Brittany for not graduating, and I especially wanted to blame Rachel Berry because I knew **somehow**,** some way**, Rachel Berry did something.

But if I think about it, there's really nobody to blame but myself. I let Brittany down, I left her in Ohio, I broke up with her. How **stupid** can I get? the song? the choir room? my little speech before singing? breaking up with the one girl who took my bullshit and embraced it? the only girl I ever loved? over what? '_Energy-Exchange_?' I mean seriously? was I high? I let my insecurities hurt me and i let it...

I...

I let it **hurt** Brittany...

Not knowing how much more I could take and being on the verge of tears, I started feeling restless. The emotions went by so fast it gave me whiplash, I was sad then angry then empty then miserable before doing a full circle back to being unbelievably sad.

I couldn't help but think that this wouldn't hurt this bad if I hadn't come back to do Grease, the way she looked and smiled at me took me back to the start;  
back to square one. To top it all off she just had to touch me the way she always did, like I'm her everything. She just had to tell me how much she missed me and let me know that she wasn't dating anyone new.

And what did I do?

'_What did you do, Santana_?' I asked myself

I made it clear that it was okay if she did but that I liked that she wasn't. "I'm glad that you're not." I repeated myself, stupid idiot. I'm just making  
this worse for both of us.

But when I was sang that god-forsaken song I couldn't think about anything aside from how perfect it was for our situation, I remember the one line that hit  
home, the one line that had me looking straight into ocean blue eyes in front of hundreds of people. The same eyes that makes me forget anyone else.

"_But to cry in front of you that's the worst thing I could do_."

I sang to myself quietly, replaying the way she looked at me, the way I wanted to reach out and hold her like I used to or maybe kiss her or run my fingers through her hair and remembering how it felt to realize that I **couldn't**. That I **shouldn't**.

I placed both palms on my eyes and pushed in hard, "Get a grip! It's over! There's nothing else you can do."

_'Do something, anything. Don't just lay there. It's pathetic_.' The voice inside  
me said. '_I need her help_.'

The next thing I knew I had sent a text to Quinn Fabray

- _Preggers?_ -

- **_Santana_****?** -

I couldn't help but smile at how fast she replied, especially since I know she has that Nazi sorority thing around this time.

- _Yeah. How are you?_ -

-**_I'm fine. What's going on_****?** -

Sometimes, I swear this girl has sixth sense. I suddenly felt anxious, my heart started hammering in my chest and my hands got all sweaty.

-_ Nothing. Nvm._ -

I replied quickly, chickening out.

- _**Santana. Are you okay**__?_ -

- **_San?_** -

I ignored her texts after that, 'I can't...' I mumbled quietly. I won't let Q see me like this, if I go to her now I'll look like a heartbroken idiot. 'Why didn't the world end **yesterday** like it was supposed to?' I thought bitterly.

The tears I've been fighting managed to escape and were making their merry way down my cheeks.

'_Nobody cares for you now, you mean nothing without Brittany. She was the only one who cared and you've messed that up too_.' I thought bitterly.

I was tired, tired of feeling empty, tired of being a shell of who I once was with Britt and honestly I was sick and tired of being alone. Suddenly, I heard  
my phone blaring Mercedes' ringtone; I pressed the green icon before putting it to my ear.

"Snix."  
"Santana..." Mercedes sounded like she had been crying.  
"What's wrong, Wheezy? Are you okay?"  
"It's Sam." She answered like an explanation, "what about him?" I asked,  
confusion clouding my mind.

"Sam and Brittany are **together**. Confirmed."

I knew it would happen someday but I didn't think it would be this quickly. I couldn't accept it, I didn't really think Britt would replace me; let alone with my own ex-boyfriend I mean surely there's some kind of **bro-code** being broken here?

"Wh-" I didn't know what to say, why? What? When? What the fucking fuck you better be fucking kidding?  
"They're together." She continued, I felt like this was some sort of out of body experience..

"Santana?"  
"Wait..." My voice had turned hoarse and low. "I didn't know the two of you were broken up." I added, I guess I figured since she was doing Grease that her and Sam were going strong but I guess not.  
"That's what hurts." She says from the other line, it was obvious from her voice she was trying not to cry even more.  
"What are you talking about?" I asked her, confusion was evident in my tone

"Before we broke up, Sam told me that he'll come back to me. That he just needed to be with his parents first. He promised me San, he promised and he broke it."  
"I'm sorry Wheezy, I'm sure he'll... And Brittany will..." Will what?  
"They're married." She answered quickly, emphasizing the word  
"Wh-"  
"Tina told me. They've been lovey-dovey lately, even kissing near the lockers."  
"The lockers?" my heart clenched at that, the lockers were OUR thing, it was our sacred happy place and she..  
"Yeah and then Coach Bieste married them in some sort of ceremony inside the locker room." I heard Mercedes sniffle on the other line.

"That could be some crazy blonde thing."  
"Blaine told me that Britt had an engagement ring and they had wedding bands."  
"Friendship rings."  
"Santana, they stayed in Brittany's room for 4 days straight"  
"Doing what?"  
"I don't even want to think about it San."  
"'Cedes. I..." I couldn't think, I couldn't speak. How could Brittany move on so  
much, so fast  
"I know. I'm sorry too."

After my conversation with Mercedes, I felt like I was in some kind of dream. Some sick, horrible, wake-up-screaming kind of nightmare.

I sat up on the couch and buried my face in my hands. I still couldn't wrap my head around it;

Brittany is with Sam. Sam and Brittany. They're together.

**Married**.

Brittany has moved on. I said it over and over again in my mind; I felt the hot tears start to well up and all I could do was to let them fall. I had to let them out. I have to cry and move on just like how Brittany moved on. Brittany is with someone else. Brittany who I broke up with. Brittany who was now kissing someone else or worse. Brittany, **my** Brittany.

"I've lost her..." I choked out, needing to say it out loud to force myself to understand. After a second, my phone started ringing and I immediately knew who it was, Mercedes must have called her after we had hung up.

"They're fucking married." I said as I put the phone to my ear.  
"I heard."  
"Married, Quinn!"  
"I know."  
"I have to stop this!"  
"Why?"  
"Because Brittany-" I stopped. Brittany, what?  
"You told me she's back to being your bestfriend now."  
"R-right. So I can't let her do this. I can't let her-" I drifted off again, I was about to say that I couldn't let her got but then I'll sound like a selfish bitch. I can't really expect Britt to hang around after breaking her heart. I can't and yet I did.  
"The marriage was fake." Quinn said gently.  
"What?"  
"Bieste isn't qualified to marry anyone. Puck told me."

After a second, realization set in and I feel like a weight was lifted off my heart "Oh thank God." I breathed.

"Santana..."  
"Yeah?"  
"You have to let Brittany live her life and make her own mistakes. If I'm right and you guys are really meant to be together, she'll figure it out for herself."  
"I know. It's just hard not being there for her. Y'know?"  
Quinn didn't answer but I knew she was nodding, she understood my dynamic with Brittany like no one else could.

"Everything here reminds me of her, I have her duckie, her onesie, her campaign  
poster and her dild-"  
"Okay! I get it." Quinn interrupted and I let out a chuckle.

"Why don't you come with me? You have the weekend free, right?" She says so quickly that I barely had time to register what she was saying.  
"To Yale? Um. No?"  
"Not here. I'm going to New York this weekend and I have a pass with your name on it."  
"Going to see **Gay** Berry?"  
"Y-yeah. I am."  
"That's all fine and dandy for you but what the hell am I gonna do there, Q?"  
"Apply for** NYADA**." She says like it's the easiest thing in the world and I couldn't help the laugh that escaped.  
"I'm serious! They're having auditions for next semester early."

I walked up to the rubber duck that sat on my desk and twirled it around my fingers, "I know I'm good but I'm not NYADA material, Quinn. Plus, I'm already here in Kentucky."

"Okay, **a)** You don't know that; and **b)** don't you even try to lie to me, Santana Lopez because we both know how miserable you are in **Kentucky**." she argued.

Quinn really was a true friend, she had so much faith in me and Britt especially after her little breakdown in New York. "Just try... I know you, you're New York material! Even LA material! We just gotta get your foot in the door."

I thought about it for a second when I heard a knock from the door. "Okay. Fine. I'll go. I have nothing better to do and nothing to lose, anyway." I answered her before standing up and walking to the front and opening the door.

I saw a flash of blonde hair before I was enveloped in a tight hug, "Great choice!" She beamed at me. "It would suck if you said no and I was already here  
to pick you up!"

"You're crazy." I teased her, shaking my head and motioning for her to step inside.  
"Get used to it because when you get into **NYADA**, which I know you will, you are gonna owe me **for life**." She said with a big proud smile on her face.  
"IF."  
"What?"  
"It's IF I get in."  
"No."  
"What?"  
"I really meant to say WHEN. I know you can." She says without looking at me;  
heading straight for the kitchen

I was quiet for a second, listening to whatever she was doing. I heard cabinets and drawers being opened and closed followed by the sound of my refrigerator being opened and closed lightly. Quinn came strolling back to the couch with a bag of chips, a bowl and a bottle of water in hand.

"Pack your things, we're going back to my place in 3 hours then from there we're headed for New York." She looks at me quickly before popping a chip into her mouth

"This is crazy."  
"I know right?" She says with a smile and all I could do is smile and shake my  
head.

"Anything to forget." I whisper to myself.

"Anything to forget." She echoes me before turning on the TV.

"Anything to forget Brittany."

**/ R&R guys! / **

**/ Thanks for reading/**

**/Now back to working on my other fic! /**


	2. Cracks

**/ I know I said this was supposed to be a one-shot but I just couldn't resist, there's probably one more chapter to this that will include Santana's NYADA audition. /**

**/ ENJOY! /**

**/ M /**

* * *

**"Anything to forget Brittany."**

"So..."  
"So."  
"So..." I say slowly. This is stupid, the three of us have been staring at each other for what feels to have been the last 76 days although it's probably been about 30 seconds. Rachel and Quinn have been super quiet since we arrived which is a first for the little hobbit, I was kind of worried we might be in the wrong apartment and this here Rachel Berry in front of us is some kind of clone.

"Hey Santana?" Berry finally spoke, typical of her to be the one to break the silence but I appreciated it anyway. the silence was damn near crushing me,  
"What?" I said, urging her on  
"I heard about... um..." she trailed off and I felt a little irritated. I already knew what she was gonna say anyway, I was weirdly used to it by now since basically the whole school knows about Sam and - I couldn't even bring myself to say her name again.

"I already know what you're gonna say so spit it out ." I say harshly but this time she doesn't flinch or frown or even answer back; she just gives me this sad knowing smile as she leaned forward to hold my hand.

"I know it sucks but you have to know that you couldn't have done anything. Whatever happened, happened for a **reason** and it's nobody's fault, not yours and not hers..." she starts

"It doesn't look like it now but things will get better." she says reassuringly, she doesn't smile like it's fake, she just looks at our hands and shakes it gently.

I wanted to tell her to fuck off, to not stick her **schnozz **into my business, to tell her she has no right to tell me that it will be okay. Nobody knew what I was feeling; I was the one who broke up with her, I left her in Lima, I let this happen. Heartbreak is one thing but regret is another, neither her not Quinn knew how much I regretted that decision. Nobody knew what I would give to turn back time and stop myself from making that mistake. Nobody knew and she has the nerve to tell me that it **isn't** my fault? I wanted to slap her then maybe hug her and cry into her shoulder.

"You're still probably recovering from the news and as you may know I've also recently broken up with Finn..." I hear Rachel talking again but I've pretty much blocked her out as she kept going.

I couldn't take talking about it again, I didn't want to hear people consoling me and telling me it was okay because I knew it wasn't, I just wanted to be left alone; just the way it should have been in the first place. **Nobody understands, nobody cares**, that much was simple.

Before she came, I was happy being alone, I didn't have to give a shit about anybody and nobody gave a shit about me.

Even if I was miserable at least I was miserable **alone** and I didn't drag anybody down with me; I didn't let anyone else make me miserable. That is until one day I meet this cheerful blonde who changed everything; First she made me care about her, then Quinn and before I knew it I cared about the whole damn glee club.

This thought train made me think of how it used to be and I couldn't have that, I knew that if I think about her any more than I already am then i'll end up a mess on the floor. The point of the whole trip was to **forget her**, not to cry over her in another state. I had to distract myself, I had Rachel who just kept talking about Kurt getting into NYADA, Kurt and Blaine breaking up, Quinn finally coming over, herself, **_herself_**and **herself**.

I looked over to Quinn who was staring at Rachel like a blind man seeing porn for the first time and I knew I was alone, Quinn's lady crush is just too strong that I couldn't pull her out from the dark side of the force. I cleared my throat to interrupt Rachel's little monologue

"What's your point, hobbit?" I asked her, crossing my arms

"My point is, this is a **new beginning** for you. I knew you weren't meant to be just some cheerleader in Kentucky and maybe it took you and Brittany breaking up and her to be with Sam to push you in the right direction?"  
I took in a sharp breath at the mention of her name, "I hope so because right now the "**_right direction_**" seems to lead me right off a cliff." I tell them, anger and bitterness seeping into my voice. I had to pull my arms closer to my body because I felt myself slowly falling apart,

"Santana..." Quinn whispers as she reaches over to rub circles on my back; it only made the tears worse and I could feel the cracks giving way, not wanting to breakdown in front of them I shrugged off her arm and stood up quickly.

"I'm going for a walk." I say quickly, walking over to the other couch and grabbing my scarf and jacket. I patted my back pocket to make sure my wallet was there before heading for the door.

"Santana. Wait." I hear Rachel say from somewhere behind me. I turned around as she approached me, pulling out a pen from her pocket, "This is my new mobile number and I'm sure you have Quinn's, call us if you need us to pick you up or anything." she says quietly as she wrote down the number on my arm.

"You couldn't have written it down on paper like normal people do?"  
"I could but I know you'd throw it away as soon as you stepped out of the door."  
"I would." I admit to her as I slide on my leather jacket  
"I know." She says sadly before stepping back and sliding the huge door open, "If you're gonna do what I think you're gonna do then I suggest you go to Goodbye Blue Monday it's at 1087 Broadway." she adds as Quinn walks up behind her, giving me a small smile  
"Whatever." I deadpan, turning around to step out.

"Goodbye Blues has the cheapest and best tequilas in the whole of Bushwick"  
"Well your a genius because if I know Santana, and I think I do, she doesn't want to get drunk."  
"What do you mean?"  
"Brittany brings out a different side of Santana, a side that she never lets us see."  
"How do you know?"  
"Brad."  
"The piano player?  
"Yeah."

At this point I wanted to strangle that white haired imp, how could he tell Quinn?  
"she needs to let out her feelings and she can only do that when she doesn't have anybody with her, or at least, no one she knows." I hear Quinn say sadly.  
"What is she going to do?"  
"She's going to sing." Quinn says before I hear the door closing.  
I snorted before heading out.

I was walking around aimlessly trying to avoid thinking of her. I don't know how long it took me but I suddenly found myself in front of 1087 Broadway. "Well shit..." I mumbled to myself, taking a deep breath and walking inside. there weren't many people in the bar since it was a weekday. Just a group of people near the back, A guy decent looking guy sitting alone and a couple sitting beside the door, aside from them the place was practically empty "Just great..." I whispered to myself as I took my seat beside decent-looking guy.

* * *

I've been sitting at this bar for the past I-don't-know hours not really thinking about anything and simply staring at the old books attached to the walls, I thought about drinking but I really wasn't in the mood to do anything but sulk so I settled for drawing random thing on a napkin.

Being alone sucked, it meant nothing was here to distract me. I was already about to leave when the guy sitting at the table beside me stood up and sat right across the table from me. He was a tall and had blue eyes which made me look away from him, he was clean cut, brown hair and looked 99 flavors of hot but I didn't care as I gave him my best death glare.

"Hey." He says and I could smell the alcohol from his breathe it was so strong you could probably put a lighter to his mouth and he'd breathe fire.  
"No."  
"I came over to-"  
"No." I cut him off  
"ask you-" he continued again, ignoring my interruption  
"**Hell** no." I cut him off again, emphasizing the first word  
"to-"  
"Don't even finish that sentence." it was astonishing how persistent this guy could be

"just listen okay?" he says loudly, breathing deep and looking at me. I picked up that he had a slight Australian accent.  
"Why should I?" even though he was being a total creep I liked that he was distracting me from thinking  
"Because I'm not hitting on you, I just want you to sing with me."  
"I don't sing." I deadpanned. Unable to look at him directly  
"You've been singing to yourself for the past ten minutes." he smiles at me, "and you're voice is beautiful."  
"Do you just randomly come up to strangers and ask them to sing with you? because that is REALLY creepy."  
"No, but I know a **broken heart** when I see one."

I couldn't breathe, the ache in my heart came back crashing and my lungs were failing to work. "What-" I asked but was cut off by my own throat getting tighter.

"It takes one to know one." he said sadly, "this is the song that I wanna sing." He says, as he pulls out his phone and shows me the screen. I swear I felt my heart crack just a little bit more when I saw the song and I was probably in shock when I started nodding my head.

"this place is amazing, the walls are lined with garbage and things that someone threw away, they put it here and make it beautiful and useful again." he smiled and pulled me to the stage. I didn't know why but I just went along with him, desperate for something to free my mind from thinking about her.

"I'd like to think that someday I'd be like one of the books on that wall, battered and damaged but the someone will come along and picks me up off the street and makes me important again." His words sent a now-familiar jolt through my chest and I watch him as he sets up the mic and tells the band the song. I couldn't help but think that maybe someday someone will come along for me too, whether it's Bri- her or not, and they'll see me and still love me despite the **cracks**.

My heart felt like it was trying to tear itself into pieces as the guys places a stool behind me, I felt like I was in autopilot; Smiling at him and sitting down as the band started the song.

After a second I was enveloped in the world I've grown accustomed to, the numbing effect of music was a blessing as I forced myself to think of the words, I looked to the guy and he was smiling at me, "Don't think; Sing." he whispered as his blue eyes stabbed into my soul, they were almost as blue as hers, almost as blue as Brittany's.

I took a deep breath before starting the song.

_This is our last goodbye_  
_I hate to feel the love between us die_  
_But it's over_  
_Just hear this and then I'll go_  
_You gave me more to live for_  
_More than you'll ever know_

_This is our last embrace_  
_Must I dream and always see your face?_  
_Why can't we overcome this wall?_  
_Baby, maybe its just because you didn't know you at all_

The flood gates opened and I let myself get drowned in it. I closed my eyes not really caring about anyone else and I could see the moment I told her I wanted to take a break, she was crying and her bright eyes were tainted with **red**. I remember the way she didn't want to let go, whispering to me.

_Kiss me, please kiss me_  
_But kiss me out of desire, babe, not consolation_  
_Oh, you know it makes me so angry_  
_'Cause I know that in time, I'll only make you cry_  
_This is our last goodbye_

_Did you say, "No, this can't happen to me"_  
_Did you rush to the phone to call_  
_Was there a voice unkind in the back of your mind_  
_Saying maybe you didn't know him at all_  
_You didn't know him at all, oh oh, ya didn't know_  
_Ooo didn't know_

'**I love you too**' I could almost her her cry. I couldn't take it, I opened my eyes and the tears just started falling. They man beside me took over but held my hand and urged me on, this complete stranger was making me open myself up to this pain and I didn't care. It wasn't like me to be like this, to act crazy around a stranger but I just couldn't hold it in anymore, I couldn't pretend to be okay anymore.

_Well, the bells out in the church tower chime_  
_Burning clues into this heart of mine_  
_Thinking so hard on her soft eyes_  
_And the memories, offer signs that it's over_  
_Over_

I forced out every last word as I thought about **Brittany**. The music ended and I couldn't help but feel a little lighter. The tears were still streaming down my face and my heart was still a shattered pile of mess in my chest but something changed inside me; a realization.

Before I could get down, I heard clapping coming from the far right corner of the bar and as I looked over I saw Quinn, Rachel and Kurt all smiling at me. Before heading to them I looked the guy beside me, he was smiling and waving back at Rachel.

"Do you two know each other?" I asked him and he looked at me and gave me a shy smile  
"Like I said, I don't walk around asking people to sing with me." he admitted before pulling me over to the table  
"Which one was it?"  
"Rachel called me but it was the other one, I think her name is Quinn, she was the one who asked me to look out for you."  
"They asked you to follow me?" I asked disbelievingly, I couldn't believe they'd have me followed  
"No, I was already here and they just told me that I should watch out for you."  
He walked ahead of me and whispered, "They didn't ask me to talk to you or anything, that was my choice, I just- Santana, I- I saw you and you were so down, I just wanted to help. By the way, the name's **Brody**."  
I felt warmth creep up my chest at the sweet gesture that they all did for me, It didn't cancel out the pain but it made it just a tiny bit more bearable when I know I have friends like Quinn looking out for me.

"Hey..." Quinn greeted carefully, looking at me and holding out her hand.  
"Hey." I tell her as I take her hand and wrap it around my shoulder  
"How's Mercedes?"  
"I talked to her after you left, she was able ti cry it out, she'll be fine." Kurt answered for her.  
"What about you?" Rachel asks, holding on the the Brody's arm, I looked at them before wiping the tears away and giving them a small smile.

"It'll get better."

* * *

**/ R&R /**

**/ M /**


	3. Auditions

**/ Last chapter guys! hope you like the ending and did you all see that picture aka Santana's new girl? she'll be making an appearance in this chapter too! /**

**/ M /**

* * *

**"It'll get better."**

"I should just _give up_." I surrender, throwing my hands up in defeat, "the audition is tomorrow morning and I don't even have a song yet."

Kurt, Hobbit, Mercedes and Quinn had been helping me all day yesterday to pick a song but I still couldn't decide on what to use for my NYADA audition; Mercedes had even came all the way to new york to help me out. It felt good to be surrounded by the Glee kids, it gave me a sense of nostalgia; back to the days where our future didn't depend on song choice or when every decision shaped your future, the days when I'd sit happily at the back of the choir room linking pinkies with-

"Oh my god Santana. You should go with Lana Del Rey,** Born To Die**." I hear Kurt say like a realization his wild hand movement completely cutting off my thoughts  
"I don't agree. I still stand by my earlier suggestion, Santana you should sing **The Way We Were** by Barbra Streisand. It would be perfect. That song won the Academy Award for Best Song from a Motion Picture and is widely considered one of the top film songs of all time."  
Choosing to ignore Rachel I turned to Kurt and asked, "How does that song go?"

I saw Kurt open his mouth to sing but was cut-off by Rachel's annoyingly, albeit pitch-perfect voice.

_Memories,_  
_Like the corners of my mind_  
_Misty water-colored memories -_

"Rachel, give it up. We're not going with Barbra." Mercedes interrupts before I could.  
"Fine, maybe she can go with **Just Around the River bend** or **Colors of the Wind**. It's a good song and-"  
"Aren't those from Pocahontas?" I hear Quinn from beside me  
"Yes. Santana does look very identical to the main character so it would make sense that she would-"  
"That is so racist." I heard Kurt whisper to Mercedes  
"San..." Quinn sighs, rolling her neck to loosen the muscles, "Just go with what you know, your version of Amy Winehouse's Valerie was great. You should do **Wake Up Alone**."  
"No, don't go with the safe choice when singing in front of Miss Tibideaux, I learned that lesson the hard way." The hobbit warns  
"What about disco? 70's music? Like what I did with Disco Inferno." Mercedes suggested , I scrunched my nose in response, "I don't think I want to go disco again, Wheezy."  
"What about the 90s? they had some amazing songs from-"

Kurt was cut off by three loud knocks on the door followed by Rachel's bird screech, "that's Brody with dinner! I'll be right back, don't decide on a song without me!" she calls out over her shoulders causing me to look at the blonde beside me trying to will my message to psychically be relayed to Quinn,

_**'Why the hell did I let you talk me into this?'**_

"Dinner is served!" called Brody from the kitchen earning a clap from Kurt and Mercedes before they stood and made their way over. The Australian was a pretty nice guy, Rachel's taste has improved a lot since Finn but that could just be me with my little Finn-Hate Goggles, Brody didn't bring up anything relating to the bar and the song since that night and he's been trying to cheer us(me) up since we got back to the apartment; Even going as far as bringing us food.

"What are we having?" Quinn calls to them as she stands up, holding her hand out to me  
"Pizza!" I hear Kurt say happily, "and** tots**!" Mercedes adds excitedly.  
I swatted Quinn's hand away as I stood up without Quinn's help, She had been treating me like a damn cripple since we came back from Goodbye Blue Monday's and I know she's being a good friend but I don't want to be helped anymore, I don't want to be weak. "I can do it alone, Lucy." I tell her firmly as I give her a tight smile.

Quinn simply shrugs and hooks her arm around mine, "I know." she smiles before walking into the kitchen

As we walked, Quinn let go of my arm to stand beside Rachel who gave the her a shy smile. In true dramatic fashion, since it seemed like '**dramatics**' were the only thing acceptable in this apartment, I cleared my throat to get their attention; causing them to look at me curiously.

"I already know what song I'm going to sing." I told them proudly. I smiled at each of them, Kurt, Brody and Mercedes simply smiled back, Quinn nodding her hear and Rachel; well, she was frowning at Quinn "Quinn, I told you not to make a decision without me," I let out a little laugh and went to grab a slice of pizza.

* * *

_**'I'm not dating anyone new, boy or girl.'**_

_**'Confirmed'**_

_**'Your partners will be chosen by fate'**_

_**'Energy Exchange'**_

_**'They're married'**_

_**'I'm Sam. Sam I am. And I don't like Green Eggs and Ham.'**_

_**'This feels a lot like a break up to me.'**_

_**'Sam and Brittany are together'**_

_**'The lockers'**_

_**'Proudly so.'**_

_**'I will always love you the most.'**_

_**'I think I have a bun in the oven'**_

I woke up with a start, alone, covered in sweat and Brittany's words ringing in my ear. I had to bite back the bile climbing the back of my throat, '_**She wouldn't do that**_.' I thought to myself,

'_**she would be safe, I taught her enough, Brittany would be safe with Sam.'**_

I felt the tears escape before I had time to stop them. The sadness was just overwhelming, I couldn't breathe or move at all; I knew it would only be a matter of time before Quinn came back and I could not let her see me like this, I couldn't let anybody see me like this, not after everything they've done for me.

I bit down on my fist to get my breathing under control and closed my eyes, my mind playing back that day in the choir room, that single greatest regret.

_**'This is my fault.'**_

_**'This is my choice.'**_

I tell myself as I feel the cracks simply giving way,  
"Brittany..." I whisper silently to the dark,  
"I'm so stupid..." letting the tears and exhaustion drag me to unconsciousness,

"I shouldn't have let her go..."

The next time I woke up I could feel a crushing emptiness inside me, like a ball stuck in my throat or a bear trap clamped around my heart. I couldn't fight anymore, I was just too tired.

I walked absently into the kitchen when I heard Rachel's hushed tone coming from her room, "Please don't think that, I didn't forget you. I could never forget you; not when I was with Finn or Jesse."

_**Who is she talking to? Brody? Wha-**_

My thoughts were interrupted by a familiar voice breaking the silence, "Rachel, it's alright, we both got busy with college. It happens."  
"Not to us." Rachel answers quietly.

'_**Us**_?' I thought as I made my way back to the guest room. I soon heard footsteps heading out of the room followed by light ones and after a moment, they both stopped. They stopped right in front of the plastic covering separating the two rooms. I could see their shadows dancing on the material, Rachel moving to hug Quinn from behind and turning her around before speaking softly "sing with me."

"Rachel..." Quinn says, her tone defeated "I just wanna sleep and forget okay? please?"  
Quinn's tone takes me by surprise and my heart thumps loudly in my ears, I whisper to myself trying to believe the words my minds was thinking, "Quinn and R-" I was cut off by Rachel's soft voice, sadder than I've ever heard before.

_But somewhere we went wrong_  
_We were once so strong_  
_Our love is like a song_  
_You can't forget it_

_So now I guess_  
_This is where we have to stand_  
_Did you regret_  
_Ever holding my hand?_  
_Never again_  
_Please don't forget_  
_Don't forget_

She pauses, obviously waiting for Quinn to continue the song. My lungs start burning as I release a breath I didn't know I was holding.

_We had it all_  
_We were just about to fall_  
_Even more in love_  
_Than we were before_  
_I won't forget_  
_I won't forget_  
_About us_

I heard Quinn finish weakly, "I have to get back, Santana might wake up at anytime." I hear her whisper and I immediately close my eyes; pretending to be asleep,  
"I'll see you in the morning." Rachel says sweetly almost lovingly at Quinn. I don't hear her answer and after a second I feel her settling back beside me.

"Please don't tell anyone." Quinn mumbles before turning on her side, facing away from me.

* * *

"Where the **hell** is my phone?" I shout, digging through sheets and pillows in our bed.  
"Where did you last see it?" Quinn asks hurriedly  
"If I knew where I saw it last, I wouldn't be looking for it, Quinn!" I bark at her, I could feel the blood pumping into my skull, "The audition is in an hour, I can't leave without it!' I tell her, panic settling in my gut.

"It's Important that I have it with me Quinn, I saved the- the lyrics in the notepad, Quinn. What if I forget the words?" I tell her, stuttering and feeling myself start to hypeventilate

"What if I **choke** like, Berry?"

"Or **Tubbido** doesn't like me?

"Or-"

**SLAP**

The shock cleared my head of panic as all my thoughts focused on the burning red mark on my left cheek.

"Calm down, Santana." Quinn says calmly, rubbing her right palm with her left hand.

"I found it! It was in the bath-room. **What** happened?" Rachel asked in horror, thrusting the phone in my hand and checking on my cheek. I could feel my brain buzzing in my head as I looked at Quinn who was looking at me critically, "Stop panicking and get it done." I hear her say, the tone was commanding and confident; the same tone she used when she was captain. I note to myself.

"Has the crisis been averted?" I hear Kurt say as they walked in through the front door, he was wearing a blue and black suit with a gorilla brooch. Brody and Mercedes walking up behind him. Brody was wearing a grey suit and black tie while Mercedes went with a floral Blue and Green dress that has the straps just off her shoulder.

"Y-yeah." I stammer, feeling the nerves coming back tenfold.  
"You look really good Satan." Wheezy smiles and looks me over from head to toe. I was wearing a flesh colored tube dress that had a fabric rose right between my twins. It emphasized them without making them look too slutty, I had on natural looking make up and silver pumps to go with a simple look.

"Brody, I don't know where you managed to get these but they're **beautiful**." Kurt says in awe, touching the fabric of my dress; Brody just shrugs in response "they're some of the dresses they use for the winter shows."

"I still don't get why we have to dress like we're going to prom." Quinn complains, tugging at her own red dress, it had cut-out shapes in front that looked like peacocks, or swans, or some type of long necked bird.  
"I think you look nice." Rachel compliments her, Rachel was also wearing a silver dress with a deep backline.  
"Rachel quit **eye-raping** Quinn. We gots to go!" I tease them before pushing past the group and down the stairs. I got to the sidewalk ahead of them and felt my phone vibrate in my hands.

I look at the screen I see that it was a message from Brittany,  
**'Hey San. I know u might be busy with practice rn but I need 2 ask u something important... how do astronauts poop in space?'**

'_**How am supposed to forget you**_?' I thought to myself feeling like laughing and crying at the same time; I'll never be able to forget her. I should just stop trying. Shaking my head I typed in a quick reply before shoving it in my bag,

'**They sit on a vacuum, B. I have to go.**'

* * *

"You'll be great." I barely hear Quinn say over the sound of my heart thumping in my ears. There was someone playing the violin in front and I'm supposed to go after her so I still had a few minuites to calm my tits. I watch Quinn take her seat between Rachel and Mercedes; Kurt waving my phone in his lady hands. I wave him over and he whispers, "It's from Brittany."

I look at my phone and sure enough there was an unread text message from her, "Thanks." I whisper to him and wave him off before looking at the message,

'**but then, where do they dump it? What if their poop gets pulled down by gravity and it starts raining poop on earth. :/**'

'**they don't dump their poop in space, Britt**.'

'**u promise?**'

'**yep, I even googled it**.' I typed in, sending a link to the website.

'**thanks Sanny! :) oh btw, Mercedes told me u were auditioning for NYADA! Tubs n i are excited he even wanted 2 bribe tubiboo to let you in but i told him u could do it on ur own cuz ur the best singer evaaa! :)'**

My heart somehow started shattering again, tears threatened the corner of my eyes and I found it hard to breathe. '**Thanks.**'

"Today, Miss Santana Lopez will be honoring us with a song." I hear Tibideaux announce to her class. Despite my calmness earlier while talking to Brittany I could feel my hands and feet going cold. I was sure my heart would leap out of my chest and explode right in front of the 30 or so people in the small auditorium.

I watched the woman, almost in slow motion, turn to me and offered me a place on the stage. My face was numb as I stepped in front of the very best singers and performers in New York; I gave them a smile and started my speech.

"Greetings-" I stopped short, '_**Greetings? Seriously?**_', I thought to myself. I could almost feel my chances slipping from my hands.

"Um, Hello. I'm Santana Lopez and I'll..." I drifted off; Mentally slapping myself. I'll what? I could feel their stares, looking at me like I didn't belong, like I wasn't welcome**.**

I looked to the right and saw Tibideaux shaking her head slightly. It was only a little movement, a flash of disappointment; It was barely visible but it killed me. It killed me to know that I probably messed this up without even singing yet.

Somone clearing their throat caught my attention and I turned to see that it was Quinn, the four of them were urging me on with their hands; Brody even going as far as giving me two thumbs up with a goofy wink.

Shaking my head and letting out an exasperated sigh, I slacked my shoulders and spoke up, "Okay** whatever,** my name is Santana Lopez and I'm gonna sing for you all today." I announce, already defeated

When everyone stayed in their seats and Tibideaux gave me a curt smile and a nod followed of course by Rachel yelping and clapping, I took it as a cue to start.

'**Just think of Brittany, think of the past few weeks**.' I willed myself to open up, to let out everything, to pretend that I'm singing to her in the choir room.

_Sometimes it's wrong to walk away, though you think it's over_  
_Knowing there's so much more to say_  
_Suddenly the moment's gone_  
_And all your dreams are upside down_  
_And you just wanna change the way the world goes round_

_Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody_  
_Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry_  
_Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby_  
_Have you ever felt your heart was breaking_  
_Lookin down the road you should be taking_  
_I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go_

_Can't help but think that this is wrong, we should be together_  
_Back in your arms where I belong_  
_Now I've finally realised it was forever that I've found_  
_I'd give it all to change the way the world goes round_

_Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody_  
_Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry_  
_Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby_  
_Have you ever felt your heart was breaking_  
_Lookin down the road you should be taking_  
_I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let you go_

_I really wanna hear you say that you know just how it feels_  
_To have it all and let it slip away, can't you see_  
_Even though the moment's gone, I'm still holding on somehow_  
_Wishing I could change the way the world goes round_

_Tell me, have you ever loved and lost somebody_  
_Wished there was a chance to say I'm sorry_  
_Can't you see, that's the way I feel about you and me, Baby_  
_Have you ever felt your heart was breaking_  
_Lookin down the road you should be taking_  
_I should know, cos I loved and lost the day I let_  
_Yes I loved and lost the day I let_  
_Yes I loved and lost the day I let you go_

I felt the tears come down halfway through the song but I didn't hide it or stop it. I just wanted this to be done, I wanted to forget her and move on.

I bit back the sobs as I forced myself to finish the song and as I let out the final words I choked on my tightening throat and it wasn't a minute later before Quinn was on me; wrapping her arms around my neck and letting me hide my face in her hair. All I could do was to shut my eyes and silently cry into my friends shoulder, "that was beautiful, Santana."

I coughed out a laugh before pushing her back to smile at her, "Of course it was."

Suddenly the room erupted in applause and some of the students were puffy-eyed and wiping at their cheeks. "Thank you, Ms. Lopez and welcome to New York's Academy of the Dramatic Arts." I hear the professor say from behind Quinn, I give her a shy nod and before being engulfed in a group hug by the others.

"Goodbye Blue Monday to celebrate?" Rachel asks happily and I simply smile as they all agreed,  
"I'll meet you there, I have somewhere I need to go." I tell them as we walk out of the school. Brody, Kurt and Rachel all hop in to the cab, waiting for Quinn and Mercedes.

"Where are you heading?" Quinn asks, curiosity seeping into her tone.  
"Just someplace, I'll be quick." I reassure her as I push her into the cab.  
"I know that look, Santana." I hear Mercedes from behind me  
"It's nothing Wheezy, just get in the cab." I tell her, feigning annoyance and stepping aside to let her in. A moment later the door is closed and the car is speeding away.

I let out a breath and follow the directions on my phone to my destination.

* * *

"Saaaaaanny, you didn't even go to Blue Tuesdays-"

"Blue Mondays, Rachel." Quinn says irritably  
"Right. Blue- Blue-"  
"Mondays! Brody! get this hobbit to bed before I pop a vein."  
"But... Quinn-Cuddles" Rachel says, you could hear she was close to tears

Once Rachel and Brody were in her room, Kurt and Mercedes went over to the kitchen; leaving me alone with Quinn.

"How was your errand?" she asks cautiously, I smiled at her and pulled out an envelope from my bag.  
"I'm going to back Ohio next weekend." I tell her simply.  
"Santana-"  
"I have to do this." I interrupt her, handing over the document  
"This is-"  
"An application to **Julliard.** It's not for me it's-"  
"For Brittany." It wasn't a question, "Santana, are you sure?"

'_**Am I?**_'

I think about it for a second before nodding at her. I know this is the right choice.

"She belongs with **me**, Quinn." I tell her, "and I belong with her."  
"I know that but she's with-"  
"Sam. I know. I have a plan."  
"I know that look." at that moment I got the text that I was waiting for, "hold up." I mumble at Quinn before swiping the screen on my phone.

'**Of course I'll help you get your girl back! We'll make a plan when you get back to UKT. xx Nina**'

I replied a quick thanks and a plan to hang out when I get back before turning to Quinn who was looking at me like I had grown a second head.

"I have to get her back."

* * *

**/ THE END /**

**/ TADAAA! Thank you for joining me in this amazing, though short, journey! thanks to everyone who read, passed by, mis-clicked, loved, hated, favorited, reviewed and followed me and this story! /**

**/ Hope to see you guys in my next fic! :) /**

**/M/**


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